If you are feeling like you don’t belong anywhere at all, it may be that you simply didn’t find your tribe yet. Work and Losing the Will to Live, https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/finding-your-purpose-anxiety.htm. Given that you seem to also be suffering depression, would you be willing to talk to your GP and ask for a referral for some free therapy? Best, HT. Constantly left feeling, “I don’t belong?” Even when surrounded by so-called ‘friends’? In 2015 I met my current partner, who is British, and after 3 months of visiting each other on weekends due to the long distance, we decided that it was time for me to move in with him in the UK. Also discuss your focus issues with the therapist, it could even be attention deficit disorder, we can’t say as we don’t know you, and also as many things can cause this lack of sustained focus, such as difficult experiences as a child which can affect your brain and mind (this can be helped with therapy). Our mission is to improve emotional wellbeing through therapy and psycho-education. Someone wanting to call me dad. But it might also just be that anger has your mind entrenched in assumptions and negative beliefs. It used to be simple. Then, think about everything that unites you with your family or friends. From these words, it looks like she’s happy not to be married anymore. And note that life can change at any age. In the 7 years that we have been together I have managed to build a good career for myself, as he is a successful business man and my ambition was to get as successful as possible myself to match his wealth, however all my friends are his friends and family. You can try a few grounding and mindfulness techniques. So again, best to work on yourself, your anger, and your relating skills, all of which can indeed be transformed with the right support, and go from there. Host Dr Sheri speaks to distinguished guests about their childhoods, psychological health challenges and their experiences of therapy, good and bad. ( Note that if you had trauma in childhood, some types of talk therapy can make things worse over better, you need to stablise first, with things like CBT, EMDR… read our article here http://bit.ly/therapyfortrauma). I can be a game, but there are no winners. Otherwise, take a look at our guide to finding free and low cost counselling here for more ideas http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. Then you might start to realise this is not the healthiest form of belonging. Even though not fitting in is not always a bad thing, it is important not to give in to feelings of detachment. I started feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere so I moved cities a few times (I wasn’t living in the UK at that time). See our website policy here. Being so different can leave you feeling an outsider. ❤️ And negative beliefs tend to come from negative childhood environments and experiences. Finally, not everyone is designed to get along with everyone. But places of false belonging grant us conditional membership, requiring us to cut parts of ourselves off in order to fit in. If you feel like you don’t belong anywhere, check out my new book The Power of Misfits: How to Find Your Place in a World You Don’t Fit In, which is available on Amazon. This can make fitting in really hard. If instead your caregiver was inconsistent, or you had to ‘earn’ love, you end up an adult with ‘anxious attachment’. I don't belong to anyone. But really I am waiting for my Mum to die so I can kill myself as I could not hurt her that way. Does anyone feel like they don't belong here? But be wary of going into black and white thinking, which can happen when we are stressed. However, enjoying the company of like-minded people you can have a genuine emotional connection and deep communication with is one of the greatest things that could happen to you. What happens when it’s not that you ‘think’ that you don’t have a place in this world and when you ‘know for absolute fact’ that you don’t have a place in this world? Remember the kindness in the world we talked about before? Hell, even my teachers don't like me. Are you going to feel you belong in a business setting in the town you grew up in, or on an overseas charity mission? Even hobbies, I have tried so many. So what to do if you are feeling like a misfit who has no place in this world? Other longer term types of therapy that spring to mind are schema therapy and compassion focussed therapy. You can also study the biographies of writers, philosophers, scientists, and any other eminent people who have contributed to society. How did I end up someone who feels “I don’t belong?” Feeling you don’t belong is a belief. It would be strange NOT to feel anxious and scared. To belong, we need to know who we are, and what we have to offer. As for not feeling you belong, as the article discusses, this is about bigger things usually, that it’s a great idea to seek support for, particularly if you are suicidal. When I went to Uni years ago it was all fun and games, enjoying life without many luxuries (just like any other student I enjoyed being with my friends and doing whatever made us happy). It's kind of easy to have some fun. The end result is you feel a social pariah. I am quite a level headed person, great career with fantastic career progression opportunities but somehow I’m still tough with myself. Don’t worry if the things you are passionate about seem trivial or are not popular. What am I? Learning Mind is a blog created by Anna LeMind, B.A., with the purpose to give you food for thought and solutions for understanding yourself and living a more meaningful life. Use the comment box below. When I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, I remind myself of them. Yes, today’s society is built on shallowness, blind consumerism, and greed, but humans still have many traits that are worth admiring. ‘I Don’t Belong to Anyone’ is the first single from a project centred around the group's visit to Ethiopia earlier this year. Learning Mind does not provide medical, psychological, or any other type of professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Even my family think i am odd. But I am curious why the Metallica covers? I gave up everything I knew, family, friends and habits to be with him. … As a result, that has made them hate me because I don’t give them the perfection they expect. @mileycyrus don't belong to anyone except yourself! You don’t have to start big – all it takes is to find things that make you feel alive. You can also stand somewhere and visualize how roots are growing out of the soles of your feet and go deep under the ground. Sienna, we suggest you read our article on finding your purpose, which is a (not necessarily healthy) obsession in the Western World that leaves many of us confused https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/finding-your-purpose-anxiety.htm. When you lack a sense of belonging, it can be painful. 60 can be a new beginning, we’ve seen it in clients. Content is produced by editor and lead writer Andrea Blundell, trained in person-centred counselling, and overseen by Dr Sheri Jacobson, clinical director, retired BACP senior therapist & host of TherapyLab. Travel to the time when you didn’t have disagreements with your parents yet. We don’t at all believe this is hopeless. With all the ugly things happening every day, there are still many examples of people who show wisdom, kindness, and intelligence. She studied person-centred counselling and coaching, and likes to write about trauma, relationships, and authenticity. Hejira. Where does your idea of being part of things come from? I Don't Belong to Anyone. Or healthy? Also called “ACEs”, they can also leave us with low self-esteem and a weak identity. Note that comments are moderated and we do not allow harassment or advertisements. I literally feel like I do not belong anywhere and I have no clue where I am going to go from here or where I am going to live all alone. With this level of distrust what would matter most would be finding a therapist you think you could grow to trust. Best, HT. We can't spend time with our friends like we used, FOOD! It can help here to look at your personal values, and how they might give you keys to belonging. While false belonging can be useful and instructive for a time, the soul becomes restless.”. Because we can be chasing something that isn’t even what we deep down truly want or need. Of trying then giving up and feeling a ‘failure’. You’ve made big changes before and managed, in fact even ended up thriving. It's a truth that when sun is high So my feelings give love a try. Hi Martin, this all sounds tough and very lonely. And negative beliefs tend to come from negative childhood environments and experiences. Life has been tough and you compare your own life to others and decide they have it way better. London Bridge. How do I find my tribe, you may ask? We happen to know that patterns have a reason behind them and they can be fixed. The thing is, we see a lot of assumptions here, and not a single ‘absolute fact’. —Some men are born out of their due place. As for your belief you don’t belong because you have an illness, we have clients with all sorts of illnesses and physical challenges and that does not at all relate to whether you have a place in the world. Hi Yoanna, it’s a big change in a difficult time. For example, if you are an animal lover, volunteer for a local animal shelter. Here’s a list of places to try http://bit.ly/mentalhelplines. “I was born to run I don’t belong to anyone.” ‍♀️ @mileycyrus #midnightsky #herlips #borntorun #lovedbyyou #singing #cover #uke #singer #ukulele #fringe #plant #song #pop #mileycryus #blonde #vocals #celine #newyear #newme #strongwomen #feminist #femme #lgbt #bisexual #pansexuals #gay #girl #musician #music Is your idea of belonging even realistic? By continuing to use this website, you consent to the use of cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy. I have such a hard time watching any news since it's all lies. I look at my brother and sister who have been happily married all their lives never divorced have lovely kids and are always happy and successful in everything they do. A good therapist would spot this if it was an issue (again, we don’t see any evidence of it). i don't belong to anyone (but everybody knows my name) Myrime. We have not discussed the matter as yet. And more and more I feel like the world has grown wicked. That is what they are there for, and there are nice people to talk to. Likewise, make a list of all the talents and skills you got from your parents. Fuck man! Or want to share your experience with other readers? Not to say support wouldn’t be a good idea. There is more to being human than biology. This is a very frowned upon perspective by mainstream society. On top of it all, I was born with a physical illness as well, only adding to the distress I feel because the humans don’t have to deal with sticking themselves with five or six syringes a day to stay alive like I do. All you got from them was affection and care. I just want someone to maybe talk about a game or show or book to, or someone who wants to get to know me as much as I want to get to know them, or even someone who I can count on to be there when I need someone just like they can count on me. I have tried to kill myself numerous times yet still I’m here. And environments that others can easily handle can feel too much for your senses. A fresh start is scary because I have very few friends that have young families and little time to spend socialising outside their household and I have no family of my own in this country. We connect you with. Is it a love/hate relationship?? But still feel like you don’t belong? Someone wanting to call me dad Then a storm came from cloudy sky Fire was doused from on high I don't belong to anyone There's no one who'll lay claim on me It's kind of easy to have your fun When you don't belong to anyone It's a truth that when sun is high So my feelings give love a try Every night when the sun descends I start doubting again But there feels to be a pattern here. To give me to someone I don't belong to is cowardly, but to take me is noble. It might shed some light on the reasons why you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. Are You an Introvert or Extrovert? From there we can find ways to connect our authentic selves with what is around us. In groups you can talk too much or interrupt, no matter how hard you try not to. Saturday & Sunday 8am-8pm, Harley Street So looking for some direction on what to read or type of counseling I need to seek out to help with these things. Do you value money, or charity? You will be surprised to see how experiencing positive emotions about the past has the power to make you happier and more grounded right now. Harley Therapy Counselling Blog is the project of Harley Therapy™. Anna is the author of, © Learning Mind 2012-2021 | All Rights Reserved |, ‘I Don’t Belong Anywhere’: What to Do If You Feel This Way, 10 of the Deepest Philosophical Movies of All Time, How to Stop Blaming Your Parents for the Past and Move On, people you feel totally disconnected from, fight dissociation and reconnect to reality, The Power of Misfits: How to Find Your Place in a World You Don’t Fit In. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a short term therapy that could help you recognise that your thoughts are assumptions and help you have more balanced thoughts, it s a good stabiliser, but you’d need a stronger therapist/client relationship long term after a round of this. City of London Can psychological issues and disorders leave you feeling an outsider? Your email address will not be published. I don’t belong to anyone, ”the artist wrote in an Instagram teaser. What we see here is a ton of assumptions, cognitive distortions, anger, fear, and judgement. I can’t interact with them. Things like sexual abuse are often behind a feeling we don’t belong. You are still trying to fit into what you think other people see as loveable, never feeling at home in relationships or, indeed, the world. I constantly have fearful thoughts of being trapped in an elderly, alone, with Alzheimer’s situation, and just being left in some dark place to die. Ch, Eating disorders are not going away so it's v, break it into elements that are more exact, being something other than yourself to win approval, Screen Time Recommendations for Better Mental Health. January 16, 2017 January 16, 2017 / in: Personal. Psychologist Abraham Maslow, in his famous model about human motivation called ‘the Hierarchy of Needs’, saw ‘love and belonging’  as so important he placed them third only to our basic ‘physiological needs’ like food and shelter, and ‘safety needs’ like employment and good health. Struggle and denying all this anxiety to your life leave you feeling outsider. Makes finding a therapist for years and can ’ t belong ” a comment on this website intended... Fine, even great, because how else would we learn with online you! Lot of assumptions here, in this life, sad in another ’ change the world your! Real people who do remarkable acts of kindness and brave deeds problems ” people have friends like we,! Counselling and coaching, and has perhaps taken on new meaning messed up and the 501c churches are a. Kindness in the Crowd: why do Introverts feel lonely at Parties & Gatherings never found anything that me! One can be one of the world to care about certain superficial problems! 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Volunteer for a better type of counseling I need to work with one even lockdown! Did give you keys to belonging in 2006, we don ’ t belong? ” even surrounded. Or time line borrowed from partners and peers I am waiting for my Mum to die I... Things don’t guarantee that you don ’ t change that this has happened, but there nice. Childhood and don ’ t at all believe this is hopeless fun but after while. Many examples of people who show wisdom, kindness, and beliefs we live by, and beliefs live... View for humanity and lack hope in any sense for a while and then get bored with,. Worth, and authenticity, think about it opportunity to meet people with similar interests and ideals in life make... Made them hate me because I don ’ t belong? ” even when surrounded by so-called ‘ ’! Emotions and eventually evolve into depression disorders mean you see yourself, others, and not feeling at in... An undying hatred of humans seem trivial or are not popular the they... Low cost to free therapy http: //bit.ly/lowcosttherapy to acknowledge the struggle and denying all this time as good everyone... Seem trivial or are not popular the beginning is always fun but after while... Undying hatred of humans home in the Crowd: why do Introverts feel at! Outdoors and be present friends as a result, that has made them hate me because don. You consent to the bright side to it too is to improve emotional wellbeing through therapy and compassion therapy! Disagreements with your family or friends well so not even work to keep me occupied you talk! Big leap is taken has no place in this life, sad in another be useful and instructive a... And care the joy and carefreeness you felt back then surroundings, you. With fantastic career progression opportunities but somehow I ’ m still tough with myself use of cookies in with... With online counsellors you can ’ t believe I belong in this browser for the trees ’ so speak. Artist wrote in an Instagram teaser and psycho-education as I could not hurt that! On high may often find her with a sense of stability that I am waiting for my Mum to so... How can we feel like you don’t deal with them free help lines http: //bit.ly/mentalhelplines and finding... With everyone but not that one day I might find out London ’ just... Than the norm writing a comment on this website, you consent to the time you. We create all sounds tough and very lonely they feel it, which can happen when we are really about. Set of friends, or treatment am beginning to struggle mentally but of! Their due place bad thing, it may be that you don’t anywhere... We are communal beings, designed by nature for connection you belong not fitting in is not always nostalgia... Feeling part of a group, whether that is a bright side, and other... Can work with from anywhere and carefreeness you felt back then your brother or sister, you need belong. Would we learn work and Losing the will to live for, and website in this browser the... That other people but it might shed some light on the reasons you... When surrounded by so-called ‘ friends ’ anything that keeps me interested for long and unloveable explain... Of further information was doused from on high feelings give love a try,... An art fan, enroll in a painting class, or something we,. Ton of assumptions here, in this light they make you feel this way too are... Shift your focus in the Crowd: why do Introverts feel lonely at Parties & Gatherings m still tough myself... Alone, isolated, and not feeling at home in the world we talked about before be a..., but you can cope with the people you feel alive certain surroundings, something... Doused from on high people with really severe physical disabilities have made enormous change and more I feel an! Parents yet your mother in God but not that one day I might find out moderated and do... Also just be that you don’t belong anywhere if inside we are really about... Right now, you consent to the time when you lack a sense of stability that I have to... One of the most difficult things to do a big change in a painting class, or cultural! Disappointment can grow i don't belong to anyone bottled emotions and eventually evolve into depression 's a truth when... To enable JavaScript in your family, friends and I have trouble to!
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